


What Might Have Been

by twdteacakes



Category: The Last of Us (Video Games)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Revenge, Sad Ending, TLOU2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:34:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25785964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twdteacakes/pseuds/twdteacakes
Summary: Time flows like a river, branching off into endless possibilities. Ellie travelled down one self-destructive path, but what if she switched course at the last second? What if Ellie got her revenge? Or what if she abandoned her mission and stayed on the farm with her newfound family? These two short stories seek to answer both questions.
Relationships: Dina/Ellie (The Last of Us)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 54





	1. Broken Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: This first one shot features major character death, blood, violence and gore. It’s quite brutal, so if you would rather avoid it, then I suggest you read the second one shot, since it is much lighter in tone. I chose to have both short stories mirror each other, but your experience is not incomplete if you choose to read just one or the other. Whatever works best for you.
> 
> One last thing, I don’t condone Ellie’s actions here. I just wanted to explore what it would be like if she embraced the darkness inside her heart and fully lost all of her humanity.

“Abby.” Ellie whispered that vile snake’s name. “Abby. Abby. Abby...” She chanted, over and over, a hushed mantra. 

_She’s probably already dead._ The words of that prisoner rang in her ears like a gong. She had to be here. She had to be alive. Had to be.

 _If she’s dead... What then?_ Ellie asked herself. _The only reason we came here was to finish what she started._

She was momentarily distracted by a hot, searing pain on the right side of her stomach. She clutched her wound, as blood seeped through her clothes and stained her hand. _Oh god... What if it was all for nothing?_ She wondered. Dina’s face flashed through her mind. Her rich olive skin. Her shimmering brown eyes. Her long black curls. Her dazzling smile. A ray of sunshine in such a bleak world. And then there was JJ. His chubby cheeks and spit covered chin. His tiny, wriggling fingers. His soft, colourful onesies. His cute gurgles and charming giggle. A bundle of joy. Her little potato sack. Tears pricked Ellie’s eyes. _What if I left them for nothing?_

She blinked rapidly and pushed onwards at a slow, steady pace, keen on conserving her energy and strength. She couldn’t allow her thoughts to continue on a downwards spiral. She just needed to make it to the shore. She just needed to see Abby, alive or dead. Nothing else mattered.

Gunfire rumbled through the air like thunder, and screams echoed across the resort. Roaring, monstrous flames engulfed each and every building - growing larger in size and power, creating a huge column of black smoke which choked the once tropical crystal blue sky.

Ellie paused when she encountered one solitary runner, which was blocking her path. Thankfully, this one had a chain shackled around its neck, keeping it restrained. Perhaps it was stationed here to capture any prisoners that miraculously escaped the pillars. 

The runner lunged towards Ellie, gnashing hungrily and clawing at the air. Its skin was blistered with swelling fungus growth, but her eyes were drawn to its short, black hair, and the strange scars that ran across its face. This person, whoever they were before the infection, looked oddly familiar. 

Her eyes narrowed. _That night, at the theatre. You were there._

A hodgepodge of emotions swelled throughout her core. Malice, hatred, scorn and mild, twisted satisfaction. But the one to overwhelm them all was sympathy - an emotion she wore on her sleeve. He was just a child. Yes, he helped crippled Tommy. Yes, he shot Dina. But the punishment didn’t fit the crime. This wasn’t justice. He deserved so much better. _I’m sorry she made you a part of this._

Ellie bypassed the runner, ignoring its desperate wails and swiping hands. She would put him out of his misery later. For now, her goal needed to be reached before she could worry about tying up loose ends.

Eventually, the young woman arrived at her destination. The pillars. A dense fog cloaked her surroundings, turning silhouettes into contorted, grotesque shapes. This place was far more ominous than she expected.

Several unlucky slaves were tied to tall, mossy, wooden posts, and left to dangle like scarecrows. Lack of food and water, as well as the harsh climate, had caused their lives to extinguish - snuffed out like candles in the wind.

Seagulls soared through the murky grey clouds above. One in particular swooped down from the heavens, and nested on a dead body. The hungry bird plucked an eyeball from the corpse’s rotting skull, and gobbled it down. Other members of the flock remained hovering, and calmly circled their prey.

Ellie wobbled as she dragged her feet along the sandy beach, panting heavily, beads of sweat pooling on her forehead. The calming waves lapping against the shore acted as a lullaby. Her will to continue was being carried away on the retreating tide. She was so weak. So exhausted. She just wanted to lie down and never get back up. But that wasn’t an option.

She approached the only prisoner that showed signs of life. The stranger coughed and spluttered, before making a desperate plea. “Help me… Please.” They croaked, their vocal cords strained.

Ellie’s heart pounded against her rib cage, threatening to burst from her chest. She knew that voice anywhere.

Despite the trials and tribulations, the pain and sacrifices, she had persevered and succeeded. Abby was here. Abby was alive. 

She stared at her once mighty foe, who was now a shadow of her former self. She was malnourished and frail, her signature braid was shaved off, her muscles had degraded, and her cheeks were sunken in. Was this really the same woman that tortured and murdered Joel? 

Images of that fateful night darted across Ellie’s vision. His agonised, harrowing screams. The blood which painted the windows and floor. His cracked open skull and exposed brains. His black eye and sorrowful gaze.

“It’s you.” Abby muttered hoarsely in awe and disbelief, which plucked Ellie out of her trance.

Abby’s current condition changed nothing. _You’re mine._ The redhead thought, retrieving her switchblade from her back pocket. 

She used her knife to cut the rope, bringing Abby crashing down onto the ground. Winded, she gasped for air, and tried to crawl away. Ellie easily prevented her feeble escape attempt, by stamping on her head, and pinning Abby under the weight of her foot.

“That kid you were with, what happened to him?” Ellie prodded her for information. Did she know? And if not, should she be kept in the dark?

“He escaped.” Abby answered, although it hurt to speak. “I wasn’t so lucky.”

She scoffed. Her obliviousness and overall attachment to him was simultaneously comical and tragic.

Abby coughed up sand. “Why are you laughing?”

“No reason. I was just thinking about a joke.” She explained, but failed to hide her amusement. Ellie then slowly and meticulously pulled Joel’s revolver out from her waistband. She examined it, allowing her fingers to slide into position. Finally, after dragging out that measly task, she snapped off the safety, pressed the barrel against Abby’s rigid spine, and grabbed clumps of hair. “On your feet. There’s something I want to show you.” She ordered, forcing the broken woman to rise.

She escorted Abby back up the winding path, where the runner was waiting. Ellie’s finger twitched as it hovered over the trigger. _Not yet. Just wait a little longer._ She told herself. 

As soon as Abby laid eyes on the runner, her lip began to quiver and her body shook violently. “Recognise him?” Ellie taunted.

“Lev...” Abby whimpered. “No... No, no, no, no, no.”

“He looks happy to see you. Why don’t you go say hi?” She suggested, giving Abby a hard shove in his direction. She screamed, unable to flee or react in time, as the infected boy snagged her arm and began sinking its teeth into her flesh. 

“LEV! OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!” Abby wailed, her old friend tearing away chunks of meat.

Ellie waited for a moment and watched the spectacle unfold. Eventually, boredom began to set in, and since Abby lacked the common decency to save herself - either because she physically couldn’t or simply refused to - she stepped in and fired a round into the runner’s head, killing it instantly.

Abby collapsed in a state of shock, whilst Ellie approached the fresh corpse and lightly tapped it with her shoe. “It’s a shame, really. He seemed like a good kid.”

“YOU’RE A MONSTER!” Abby shouted, foaming at the mouth and clutching her bloody, inflamed, bitten arm. “You killed my friends, you- you took everything from me!”

“Now that’s funny.” Ellie said, a morbid laugh escaping her lips. She then fired another round from Joel’s revolver, shattering Abby’s kneecap. The woman screamed in agony, as she fired yet again, obliterating the joint in her other leg.

Whilst Abby writhed on the floor, Ellie shrugged off her backpack, and retrieved a crowbar she had collected whilst fighting through the Rattlers. She felt the weight of the weapon in her hands, and adjusted her grip on the handle. 

“Do you hear his screams?” The redhead asked, a haunted expression overwhelming her previously hardened and unreadable features. “I hear them every time I close my eyes.” She whispered, practicing a few swings. 

“Killing me won’t bring him back.” Abby growled, despite barely clinging to consciousness.

“I know. It probably won’t stop the nightmares either. Or make the pain go away.” She responded. She straddled Abby’s stomach and smacked her across the face with the crowbar. A shrill scream erupted from the woman’s throat. “But I won’t be able to live with myself if you’re still breathing.” 

“You’re just like him.” Abby spat through muffled sobs.

Ellie smiled - a wicked, devious smile. “Yeah. I am. And I’m damn proud to be.”

She whacked her again. Another cry escaped Abby’s lips. Blood splattered across Ellie’s face. It was putrid. Warm.

But her tears. Her pain. Her suffering.

**It was glorious.**

Consumed by rage and loathing, Ellie began beating her senselessly with the crowbar. Left hook. Right hook. A never ending pattern. _This is for Joel. This is for Jesse. This is for Tommy. This is for Dina. This is for JJ. This is for everything you stole from ME._

Abby’s screams ceased after the third or fourth swing. And yet Ellie was still going, with no intention of stopping. 

As the senseless violence continued, a memory resurfaced. She remembered the promise that Joel made on the outskirts of Jackson, which fractured their relationship forever.

_Swear to me. Swear to me that everything that you said about the Fireflies is true._

_I swear._

_Okay._

Eventually, the woman’s face had been beaten to a bloody pulp - caved in and replaced by shards of bone and mangled flesh. She was completely unrecognisable, barely even resembling a human.

With her energy drained, Ellie dropped the blood soaked crowbar and titled her head back. She felt the cool breeze and tasted the salt water air on her tongue. Basked in the afterglow of such a vicious murder. 

The seagulls were starting to drift down, wanting to tuck into a fresh meal. She would let them have their fill. After all, there was plenty left to feast on.

Her eyes welled up, causing the dam to burst and hot tears to break free. “Joel.” She whispered his name, and for the first time in forever, it didn’t taste like bile. “It’s over. We won.”

* * *

Ellie floated through the desolate farmhouse like a ghost. She collected her old, reliable guitar from her study - the only room which wasn’t vacant - and ventured out to the porch with her instrument.

She nestled down on the wooden step, and listened to the wind chimes, which were disturbed by the gentle breeze. She then took a deep breath, her trembling hand steadying as she began to strum the familiar cords.

“If I ever were to lose you

I’d surely lose myself

Everything I have found here

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed

To make this man of me

All my stolen missing parts...”

She trailed off. Her mouth tasted like iron once more, but she forced herself to continue.

“I’ve no need for... no need for...”

She choked on the words.

Ellie turned her head, and for a split second, she saw him. He was sitting on the porch beside her, playing his guitar without a care in the world. His eyes glistened in the sun, and his broken watch reflected colourful rainbows.

Joel shot her a glance, a smile decorating his wrinkled cheeks.

And then he was gone.

Her guitar let out a vile screech as it collided with the dirt. _Everyone I have cared for has either died or left me. Everyone- fucking except for you._

“Joel… What do I do now?” She asked, a sob caught in her hoarse throat. 

She received no answer, no divine wisdom. The silence weighed heavily on her soul. The cold chill settling on her skin was her only company. 

Her worst fear has become a reality. Ellie was alone. Utterly alone.


	2. You Make Me Whole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - If the game could have ended any differently, I would have wanted it to end like this.

Ellie shuffled quietly through the kitchen, packing her bag with all the essentials. Weapons, ammo, clothes, food, as much as she could carry. The trek to Santa Barbara would be long and treacherous. If she was well stocked beforehand, then hopefully she would make it there in one piece.

She was surprisingly calm, despite the circumstances. She didn’t even feel present. Her hands moved of their own accord, as if she were a puppet on a string. It was like she was watching someone else, a complete stranger, performing these acts and making such hard decisions. 

The shell of a person, wearing her skin.

Despite her mind being lost in a dense fog, one question still remained. Something she didn’t want to address until the very last second. _What about Dina?_ She asked herself, whilst picturing her girlfriend sleeping soundly, tucked up in bed. _Should I leave a note? What would I even say?_

Her train of thought screeched to a halt when she heard footsteps, padding across the wooden floor. “Hey.” Dina’s voice shattered the deafening silence that Ellie had become accustomed to.

Slowly, Ellie rose from her crouched position and turned around. Dina stood a short distance away, dressed in her undergarments, her face cloaked in shadows. However, pale, silver moonlight flitted through the window behind her, and illuminated her back. This glow cascaded down her black curls and kissed her rich skin. She looked like an angel. Maybe she was one.

“Hey.” Ellie whispered back.

Dina’s eyes darted across Ellie’s getup and the overstuffed bag nestled by her feet. She then cleared her throat and took a few steps towards her, refusing to address the elephant in the room. “Man, it’s been a while since he slept this long, huh?”

Ellie felt numb. The words rolling off her tongue barely felt natural, and only served to keep the sinking conversation above water. “He had a day.” 

“Yeah. He’s fine.” Dina responded, before gesturing to the stairs with a flick of her head. “Come back to bed. We’ll talk about it in the morning, okay?” She continued, and retreated in that direction.

Now that she was facing away, Ellie could see the large, traumatising scar etched into Dina’s shoulder blade. A constant reminder of that night in the theatre. The night she almost lost her. “I have to finish it.” She stated bluntly, stopping Dina in her tracks. Determination swam throughout her core. This is what she wanted, what she _needed_. And yet... why did that sentence taste like poison?

Her girlfriend’s body grew tense and stiff. She visibly shuddered, and for a brief second, her mask slipped. A sigh vibrated through her chest, before her courageous, perfect image was restored. “You don’t owe Tommy anything.” Dina said, her words stern and direct, as she faced Ellie once more, hands cradling her own hips.

“I don’t sleep. I don’t eat. I’m... I’m not like you, Dina.”

“What?” Her girlfriend’s mouth fell agape. “You think this is easy? For you, and for him, I deal with it.”

“I love you-“ Ellie began.

“Prove it.” Dina interrupted, her hazel eyes set ablaze. “Stay.”

She forced herself to meet her gaze - a measly task that felt impossible. “I can’t.”

“So, what? I’m just supposed to sit here and wait for you, for god knows how long, just thinking you’re fucking dead the entire time?” Dina questioned, frustration plaguing her tone, as her brow creased into a scowl.

“I don’t plan on dying.” Ellie rebutted. She couldn’t die, not until Abby was buried six feet underground. 

“Well, neither did Jesse. Or Joel.” Her girlfriend spat, anger boiling and stress level peaking. Joel’s name pierced her aching heart, causing Ellie to grab her backpack and almost flee out the back door. Guilt flashed across Dina’s expression, as she rushed forwards and cupped her face. “Hey, stop. Hey. Hey, come on. We’ve got a family. She doesn’t get to be more important than that.” She made a desperate plea, her voice breaking on each syllable.

Ellie’s eyes stung, becoming blurred with tears, which she attempted to fight back. She blinked rapidly and clutched her bag in her white knuckled grasp. “I don’t think I could ever forgive myself if I let her getaway with what she did to Joel. To Jesse and Tommy. To us.”

“But haven’t we already lost enough? Is she even worth it anymore?” Dina asked, a sob caught in her throat. She moved her hands, and embraced the redhead in a hug. Perhaps this was her way of restraining her. “Please, Ellie. Don’t go. I need you.”

“Dina-“

“Stay.” 

The floodgates opened, allowing a river of hot tears to flow down Ellie’s freckled cheeks, and splash on Dina’s shoulders. She glanced around at their dream home. At the life they had built together. She thought of JJ, tangled up in warm blankets, completely wiped out from a busy day. _My little potato sack._

This place. This family. She couldn’t abandon them. No matter how painful it was to give up on revenge - to give up on finding Abby.

“Stay.” Dina repeated, her grip on Ellie tightening.

Another wave of tears trickled down her face. They burnt like acid, and yet she could not stop herself. “Okay. Okay. I’ll stay.” Ellie croaked out. 

A strangled gasp escaped Dina. She pulled out of the hug, and immediately kissed Ellie on the lips. They both wept openly, a mess of kissing and crying, until they collapsed in a heap on the kitchen floor.

“It’ll get better. We’ll make it work. You’ll see.” Dina said, her eyes still wet with tears, but bright and hopeful. “I promise.”

Ellie caressed her cheek and brushed a lock of hair out of Dina’s angelic face. “I love you. So much.”

“I love you too.” 

Dina scooped up Ellie’s backpack, and set it to one side. She then held the redhead’s hand, and led her towards the stairs. “Let’s go back to sleep.” She suggested, although it was more so a polite command.

The two women arrived at their destination, and found JJ still lost in dreamland. Ellie shrugged off her jacket and removed her shoes, before climbing into bed. The couple nuzzled close to each other, as well as their son. 

Dina reached out and gently touched Ellie’s arm. “Will you be here when I wake up?” She asked, traces of fear swirling around her dark irises.

“Of course.” Ellie answered truthfully. She didn’t plan on sneaking away. Not anymore.

A shy smile tugged at her girlfriend’s cheeks, whilst her eyelids fluttered tiredly. “I believe you.”

* * *

Ellie tried making a special breakfast for Dina the next morning. Key word being tried. The omelette she cooked on the stove was slightly burnt, but her girlfriend didn’t seem to mind. Perhaps she was just being nice.

“Are there any chores that need doing today?” Ellie asked, as Dina polished off her plate.

“Nah, I got it, hun. You just take it easy.” Her girlfriend reassured her.

The redhead felt the guilt beginning to swell throughout her core. She despised the thought of being such a burden. “You sure?”

Dina nodded. “Yeah.”

“Well, in that case... Do you mind if I take JJ outside for a little bit?” She requested. If Dina was going to be handling all the odd jobs, the least she could do was keep JJ preoccupied, so that her work was stress free. Plus, spending time with him always lifted Ellie’s spirits. 

“Not at all. Nothing wrong with some fresh air.” 

“Cool. Thanks.” 

Dina got up from the dining table and placed a comforting hand on Ellie’s shoulder. “If you need anything, just shout me, okay?”

A wave of calming bliss washed over her, as she lifted her hand and grazed her girlfriend’s fingers, savouring her touch. “Will do.”

The couple parted ways, with Dina disappearing into the kitchen and Ellie venturing into the living room. JJ, a little bundle of joy, was lying on his play-mat, smacking the mobile hanging above and giggling with excitement. He was dressed in a snug little onesie, which was decorated with forest creatures, such as rabbits, deers, badgers, and foxes. 

Her guitar momentarily snagged Ellie’s attention. It was sitting- waiting by the window in its open case, dying to be played.

She hesitated, before scooping it up and looping the strap over her torso, so that her hands were free. She then returned her attention to the toddler on the floor. “Heyyyyy buddy.” She greeted JJ with a warm smile.

JJ seemed delighted by her presence when his bright, gleeful eyes met her own. Ellie carefully picked him up and carried him out of the room. “Would you like to go for a walk?”

“That sounds like a great idea!” She spoke on his behalf in a high pitched voice.

“Thanks, buddy. I’m full of ‘em.”

Dina was washing the dishes as they passed through the kitchen. Her girlfriend flicked the duo with soapy suds, and gave them both a quick kiss before they could leave through the backdoor. “Have fun out there, you goobers.” 

Ellie walked through the vegetable garden, ignoring the occasional hair tug from JJ. Eventually, they arrived at the sheep pen, and the tiny lamb came to greet them as she moved towards the barn. Not wanting to miss such a golden opportunity, Ellie took a break from their short journey to allow JJ to pat the delicate creature. He had learnt his lesson from last time, and was far more gentle when stroking the lamb’s soft, woolly coat. The lamb bleated happily, and returned to its mother. 

“I was going to leave last night, JJ. Without even saying goodbye to you.” She told him, her voice scarcely above a whisper. JJ sucked his thumb and gazed up at her with a dumbfounded expression. “What a dick move, right? But your mama talked me out of it. She’s very persuasive.” She elaborated. She then proceeded to mumble and shake her head. “I was so stupid. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Since the barn door was already propped open, the two easily made entry. A handful of sheep followed, hoping for a meal. She rolled her eyes at their greedy behaviour, since they had only been fed an hour before. Ellie sat down on one of the hay bales, and bounced JJ on her knee. The toddler gurgled and treated her to a gummy smile. She almost wept at such a cute face.

_Is this what you saw, Joel? Something so precious. Something worth protecting._

“I’d do anything to protect you, JJ. I hope you always remember that.” Ellie whispered, bringing him closer to her face and nuzzling her nose against his adorable button one. “There’s something I want to show you.” She continued, setting JJ down on the hay bale and standing up.

The redhead produced her guitar from behind her back and presented the instrument to him. JJ was trying to fit his whole fist in his mouth, but despite that distraction, he still appeared to be rather awestruck, since he was staring wide eyed at such a foreign object. “Now, some folks call this thing here a gee-tar.” Ellie began, a smile already creeping across her face, as memories began to dance through her head. “A grumpy old man gave this to me. He had a heart of gold.” 

She paused and her smile dropped. The words were catching in her throat, whilst her stomach was twisting into tight knots. For a brief second, she thought she was going to vomit. JJ removed his silva covered fist from his mouth and kicked his legs excitedly, almost as if he was keen to hear more. This spark of joy ignited a fire in Ellie, willing her to press onwards with such a traumatic subject. “His name was Joel. He was... He... He meant a lot to me. And well, most people would tell you that I was the apple of his eye.” She explained, her fond smile returning as she plucked a few chords on the guitar. “He taught me how to play. Would you like to hear something?” 

JJ produced a happy cry in response to her question. 

“Hehe, okay buddy.” Ellie giggled.

She nestled down on the hay bale beside him once more. Her trembling hand settled, and she began to strum. 

“If I ever were to lose you

I'd surely lose myself

Everything I have found here

I've not found by myself

Try and sometimes you'll succeed

To make this man of me

All my stolen missing parts

I've no need for anymore...”

Ellie trailed off for a moment, unable to keep playing. However, one glance at JJ gave her newfound strength. She was going to finish this song. Once and for all.

“‘Cause I believe

And I believe 'cause I can see

Our future days

Days of you and me.”

JJ clapped and cheered. Tears pricked Ellie’s eyes, as she ditched her guitar and embraced him in a hug. She buried her face into his onesie as the floodgates opened. “I love you, potato.” 

“So, that was ‘nothing’, huh?” A familiar voice asked. Ellie looked up, to see Dina leaning against the barn door. Her dark brown eyes sparkled in the golden sunlight, wet with tears.

“Yeah. Nothing to it.”


End file.
